Decisions, Decisions, and More Decisions

I have always wanted to be a nurse. It’s what I started going to school for in the begining. I changed my degree for a job, because the nursing classes didn’t work with my schedule.
I really want to go back for my nursing degree. It is my dream.
I’ve been thinking about it for some time now,but with kids and bills it is very hard to make time to do it.
I think I have decided to go for it. I only have about 9 months and I could be done, but ut would ve 9 months of pure hell. Well worth it I know. In my mind it is this game of tug of war. Do it or don’t do it.
Why does it have ti be so difficult? I wish I could just win the lottery and the problem would be solved, but you have to play to win. I can think of alot better things to soend that dollar on. Like my dr pepper that keeps me from killing everyone.

My Happily Ever After, Better Late Than Never

At a young age when I was young, dumb, and probably couldn’t tell the difference between a hat and a shoe. Yes that is a big stretch but you get my point. I loved him and he put a smile on my face. That was fifteen years ago. I honestly never thought I would ever get that kinship back, or that I would ever have my laughing partner back. Why laughing partner you ask? Well I’m a dork, he knows it, loves it, and laughs with me, at me, and for me when I can’t. After all the time and distance life has taken us, I got my everything back.
I married my soul mate, best friend, my everything October 21,2010. I have never been happier. Everything just clicks. That is the only way to explain it. He completes me. We still have our differences, come on who doesn’t? We get through them together. There is no one I’d rather work through life with than him. We walk hand in hand or side by side and sometimes one in front of the other. Neither one of us is the LEADER. We are one the same path dancing to the same music and the beat is beautiful. So what does it matter if we step on each others toes he and there, the music continues, the beat goes on and we keep going. Never looking back, just focusing on the future and the next fifty years as man and wife. I love every second of it. I love him for his flaws, his courage, and his heart, but most importantly I love him for him nothing less nothing more.
I love you Chris!!! Forever and always!!!

The Son I Would’ve Wished for, if I’d known he was the one I wanted

Have you heard the comment “Wow your kids are great, wish mine were like that?” I have and I hate it. My kids are unique in their own way. They don’t fear me, Lord knows they’ve proved that over and over,so when they do behave I know it’s with respect.

My son is very much,… well, a handful. I love him for it. He can drive you nuts till you wanna scream, aggreavate untill you think you might kill him, and make you laugh till you cry. He talks a mile a minute, sometimes barely breathing between sentences or statements. He is all boy from head to toe, unless he is aggrevating Destiny, then he can be girly to. I love him more than he knows, I know this because he says “Mommy I love you more”. Like there is anyway for that to be possible. He is smart, witty, and yeah whiney to the core. I like to tell myself it’s because he is sensitive, but I know better, he’s my brat, he knows it and he shows it.

I wouldn’t trade either one of my kids for anything in the world. I might tell you differently when they are constantly fighting, but show me a brother and sister who didnt growing up and I will prove one of two things.

1. They are lying.
2. The brother was so scared of the sister that he didn’t stand a chance. ( That’s for the big sisters like me who know they will always win against little brother.) I love you to Bubba (Pooh Bear)!!! LOL!!!

When they fight they annoy me, but when they laugh and their laughs mix, that’s the sound of heaven.

So yeah my son is a handful at best, but he loves with all his heart, has a smile to die for, freckles that just complete the picture and personality like none other. Most importantly he is MY son. No one can change that. I’d kill them if they tried. He melts my heart in so many ways, they are to numerous to count. Also, he is not a teenager so he still calls me Mommy, even in public and will hug and kiss me whether anyones around or not. I know it won’t last long.

So people come on smell the coffee, your kids are yours. How do you think it makes them feel when they hear you say stuff like that? My son is the one I wanted whether I knew he was the one I wanted or not. Love them for who they are, not wishing them to change.

My kids are pefectly perfect in their imperfections. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you guys always.

Letter to My Daughter

We have all felt at times in the rush of activities and the shortage of time we don’t speak the things most needed to be spoken. Or like me you might have a teenager that doesnt really want to take the time to hear the mushy stuff. Don’t get me wrong this is no substitution for words that need to be spoken. We are not guarenteed anything from moment to the next. The last thing I want is for something to happen on to leave my children wandering about things that were never spoken or not spoken enough. A

Destiny, you are my life,my breath, and everything that keeps me going. I am so very proud of the person you are growing up to be. I stand in awe of you because you are so many things that I never was, and ironically so many things I am. Clean your room more and it wouldn’t get so hard to do. I know easier said than done. Trust Grandma said it to me to many times and like you I hated it every time.
You are special and touch so many peoples hearts whether they tell you or not. There are so many things I have and do eant to do with you together but time and in many casees money has prevented. I have missed so much with you over the years and I’ve wished a hundred times over for a do-over but wr only get one shot. Remember that. I love you and miss you all the time and I’m always thinking about you.

In life we all as humans make so many mistakes. The only thing we can do is try to make it right and learn from them. We all as humans must remember it’s not about doing the right thing when someone is watching, it’s about doing the right thing when no one is watching, knowing that God sees all and in the end we will answer to everything, even down to a stolen piece of bubble gum. Anyone who is behind me in the judgment line, take a seat, it’s gonna be awhile. If I haven’t said I love each one of my family and friends for all the quirky ways and keeping me on my toes. God Bless you All.

The Blessing

I watched a youtube video the other day shared by my sister in law Ashley. By the way, thanks Ashley. The video was title The Blessing.

I’m not gonna drag this out but get straight to the point. WOW!!!!
The video shows an estimated 40 or so celebrities who professed that the Lord was the Lord of their lifes. Some were expected some on the other hand were out of left field. For example, Alice Cooper. Really? Seriously? Uhhh, gonna have to think on that one.

My point is this, If celebrities start trends and are the ones so many of us look up to, then why is christianity not anymore popular than it is? If they can publically annouce they are christians, not care who they offend, why do we? Why do we sometimes tip toe around it if we are not completly sure if the outcome?

I for one think we should all take a stand, regardless of who might think negatively. Remember we don’t answer to other humans. We answer to God, he is the ine that told us to spread his word so that others may be saved by his grace. We are not promised a forever or happyily perfect life on earth. However, that is promised in Heaven. Hmmmm, I think we should rethink who we want to offend or not.

Abby’s Prayers

I’m Abby a blond haired, blue eyed, sixteen year old. You might think awe how lucky, but I don’t see it that way. I’m just average. Actually my life sucks, my mom is always on my case about everything. So what if my room is not clean and I like it that way. It’s my room and my stuff. I wish she’d just get over it.
“Abby”, her moms yells, ” Are you cleaning your room, it’s been weeks”.
“Yes mom”, “eventually”,she wispers after I call Alex. I’ve got to get Mom to let me go to his party, some how. Even though I know she won’t because it’s on Saturday and she’ll say, “Abby dear you know we have church on Sunday and it’s the most important day of the week, we need to be rested so the Lord can revive us for another week”.

Hey Alex, it’s Abby, whats the plan for the party on Saturday?

Oh hi ya Abbs, it’s gonna be great, the party of the year, oh yeah did I mention beer, beer and more beer, my cousin Kenneth is suppling it. Alex replies.

Oh, I didn’t know that. What about the kids driving? We can’t just let them drink and drive home. What if someone gets hurt or worse even killed, Abby questions with just a slight hint of iritation.

Oh Abbs don’t go soft on me. Everyone can figure out their own plan. My parents leave on Friday night, so come over when ever you can. Will your Mom the saint of all saints even let you out of the house?

I’m working on that. I’m hoping and praying anyway, came the response quickly, maybe to quickly.

Oh whoopee let me know how that praying works out for you. I gotta go my Dads calling for me. If you make great if ya don’t, the party must go on.

Ok Alex I’ll be there, somehow she wispered. Talk to you later.
I have two days to attack this monster problem. If I was completly honest with Mom she will never let me out of the house but I can’t lie either.

“Abby”, her mom shouts, “your Dad is here.

“Be right there”, she screams.
Maybe I can talk to Dad, spend this weekend with him and he will let me go. Yes!!!  Finally a plan that will work.

“Abby Nicole get down here it is very rude to make your dad wait on you”.

“I’m here Mom, quit yelling, hi Dad. She you later Mom.

“Abby as soon as you get back from dinner with your Dad I want that room finished. I’m tired of asking”.

“When I get good and ready I’ll do it, but not until then. Get over it.”

Abby Nichole, lose the attitude, I don’t know why you insist on acting like a spoiled brat.”

“Probably because you insist on treating me like a two year old, duh big red truck.”

“So Dad what’s for dinner?” Abby asked her father as they were heading to the car.

“I don’t know, what would you like?” Nicks brain was running in over drive. We’ve got to get this under control, before we lose complete control of her. Where did she say she wanted to eat? 
“I’m sorry honey where do you want yo eat?”

“I said Red Lobster. Sheesh Dad you never listen, I swear sometimes your as bad as Mom”.

“ABBY, her father replied sternly, cut me some slack, and why do you always have to pick the most expensive places to eat. Money doesn’t grow on trees.”

“Because Dad they are my favorite and Mom always says we can’t afford to eat there since you left with the money.”

Oh boy here we go…again. “I did not leave with all, never mind Abby it’s been two years do we really have to keep going on and on about this. What your Mom and I…

I know Dad, Abby cut him off. “What your Mom and I decided was between us and I had nothing to do with it nor is it my fault”. It was text book she thought. She’d heard it so many times from both her parents, she almost thought that was their united answer to everything she asked when it came to the divorce.

As they walked in to the resturant she thought about her plan for the weekend. Now is as good a time as any to lay the brick work. Turn on the smile, and daddy’s princess will take over. He’ll be so thrilled that I’m acting like his little girl, I’ll get anything I want. I’ll be at the party on saturday for sure.

“Hey Dad, Abby asked as they were being seated. “Do you have me this weekend or next?”

“It’s next weekend,came his soft reply. He knew this was so hard on her.

“Awe man, can you and Mom switch, I really wanted to go see the movie New Moon, it releases on Friday. Please Daddy please.”

Great Nick thought Beth will love this. She hated it when things didn’t go exactly according to the divorce papers. He’d have to weigh in and decide whether a movie was worth the fight or not.

Abby broke his thoughts with, “but Dad ALL my friends are gonna see it and I will be the  laughing stock of school if I don’t. You know how Mom is, she will never go see a vampire movie, and she sure as hell won’t let me go by myself.”

“Abby Nicole watch your mouth”, he said probably to sternly and loud. The whole resturant was looking at him.

“DAD, shhh I wasn’t using it in a bad way. I’m very positive hell exist, infact I know it does. Just like I know Mom won’t watch the movie. See just comparing two things I know for certain. Your little girl does not use foul language. You know me better than that.” There that shoud do it Abby thought, he’ll take the bait, hook line and sinker.

“Ok Abby, I’ll talk to your Mom, but just watch it, don’t cross the line.” He knew he would regret this. 

“Oh Daddy, thank you thank you and thank you. I love you so much. Your the bestest Dad in the world. Be sure and buy the tickets early. It’s gonna be a sell out for sure. Oh and make sure they are Friday night tickets first show. Thanks Dad.

They finished up their dinner with very little conversation. He was to busy thinking and stressing over a fight that hadn’t even started yet. Why did Abby always have to put them against each other. Actually that’s not right or fair. He and Beth had never really been playerson the same team, that was their problem to begin with, way before Abby came along. She was just their reason for sticking it out for as long as they did.

“So you gonna play soccor again. It starts next month, right.”  He had to do something to kill his thoughts. He needed to focus his attention on Abby. Not that she would notice with all the texting. He wished a hundred times over that they would have never bought her that iphone.

“Yes Dad I am, same team as always. Well except this year we will have a new coach, a female coach, I can’t remember her name.” She was right in the middle of texting her friends to let them know she would be at the party. Alex’s reply made her feel very uneasy. She was neither sly or the life of the party even if they did say the beer would help her….alot. She was gonna be the responsible one and drive kids home that couldn’t or shouldn’t drive themselves.

They were pulling up at her house and she was already dreading it. Her Mom would expect her to clean her room and she neither had the energy or the care to do it. Then the argument would begin.

As she opened the door to the house, she found she was right her Mom started right in.

“Abby, please start on your room the sooner you do it, the sooner your done.”
 
Abby rolled her eyes and headed up stairs. She didnt feel like arguing

“Hi Nick”, how was dinner?” Beth asked.

“It was good Nick,” replied. “Hey Abby wanted to switch weekends. There is a moving coming out on Friday that she wants to see.” Ok hold my breath and pray, Nick thought to himself.

“It’s not your weekend, Nick we can’t just keep changing things. This a hard enough on her without it.” Please don’t start this Nick, I don’t have the energy to fight. She prayed he would drop it, knowing he wouldn’t. He never did.

“Beth, this is something Abby wants.Please I don’t want to fight. Just because the divorce papers say when and how long doesn’t mean we have to follow them. Please.”

“Fine Beth replied, but please when you two decide to change things let me know ahead of time, last minute changes are both rude and uncaring of the other person. We’ve been through this before.”

“Thanks Beth, you won’t regret it. Goodnight, see you Friday at six, will that work?”

“That’s fine. Goodnight.” She started to say he better not make her regret it but she was in no mood for a fight with Nick or Abby.

As her Dad was leaving Abby was tip toeing back to her room. She was so excited that her plan was coming together so quickly and so well.

The Anger Inside Me

Let’s look at this. Is it wrong to be angery? Should a person think “Oh my gosh I’m angery and I need help”? Questions and more questions but sadly to few answers. Mainly because people won’t or don’t speak up. So I’ll start with myself and try to break it down, more for me than anything else.

First of all no I don’t think anything is wrong with me because I have anger inside me. Which sometimes I have a lot of. Most of the time my words come back to haunt me and I kick myself for it once I’ve seen the error of my ways. The other ten percent of the time that the above doesn’t happen, my own self guilt kicks in and takes care of it for me.

Some might ask what I have to be angery about, uhhh I’m not rich and others are. Yeah somethings are just that stupid. Others are way more complex and to in depth to even explain, and even then I’m positive I would come out in the end eating my own words.

Yeah yeah so what’s the point you ask? Here it is take it or leave it.

We all deal with anger, whether its at others or God or ourselfs. So deal with it and move on. I know easier said than done. Trust me I’ve tried this. Say what you feel get it out and if need be appologize. Those who truely love us for who we are understand and will laugh about it later. Those who don’t walk out of our lives never truly knowing us or caring. Live life to the fullest and let go of the petty things that hold you back. We as humans are all imperfect and our own worst enemy.